Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Imagine, Then YOU Do It.

Imagine being 14 and your first kiss is an aggressive one from a 40+ year old man.
Imagine pretending to be sleep and praying he does not come into your room, but he does. 
Imagine waking up and realizing he is locked in a room across the hall with someone that you love.
Imagine being a teen yet keeping to yourself the first time you are forced to have sex.
Imagine not telling anyone that you think you are pregnant and being scared that you will have to drop out of school.
Imagine begging God to die, then swallowing over 100 pills because you can no longer face him or anyone else. 
Imagine, not crying, but sobbing silently in your room because you are too afraid to tell.
Imagine receiving a urinary tract infection that goes on for days from not receiving treatment because no one knows that you are having sex with him.
Imagine sitting in a pew watching him jump and shout about God knowing what he did to you two nights before.
Imagine hating yourself for not telling someone sooner or as soon as it happened.
Imagine living with the fact that those you love still talk to him and invite him over as if nothing is wrong.
Imagine living with the thought that he could have done it to someone else because you did not say anything.
Imagine wanting to run yet wanting to stay to ensure the safety of those you love.
Imagine not being believed, being called a "bitch" and a "liar" by someone you love when you finally tell. 
Imagine feeling out of place at gatherings because you are the odd one that everyone gets mad at when you bring it up.
Imagine his scent, his voice, his stare, following you years after the catastrophe ends.
Imagine keeping all of this to yourself 1440 minutes a day, 365 days a years for at least 4 years while being a teen.
Imagine just wanting a hug or a "it's going to be okay" but only getting stares and criticism.
Imagine living with the fact that he is living his life care free, happily, without punishment while you suffer internally.
Imagine, just imagine, having a flashback of him while you are intimate with a man who truly loves you, your husband. 

Imagine all of this--put yourself in my shoes. Then and only then tell me that I need to forgive, let go of the past and heal. 

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