Monday, January 19, 2009

A Mother's Love (?)

Throughout my pageantry experiences for the past year, I have been avidly promoting the awareness of sexual abuse. However if anyone views my pageantry blog (, they will see that I have also heavily promoted the awareness of domestic violence. Why? Not only because both issues are very much related, but because my mother survived domestic violence.

If I can advocate for her, why can't she do the same for me?

Yesterday, after a long, drawn out phone conversation with my mom, all I could think after the conversation ended is where is the love? She basically told me that if I were to expect her to stop talking to my abuser, then I should stop talking to my father (since he was violent towards her over 10 years ago).

I do not condone what my father did, however, my father has admitted his guilt, asked for forgiveness and moved on with his life. To this day, he has not lifted his hand to another woman. However, my abuser, the pastor, the man that mother cares for so much that she cannot live without asking for his advice on all areas of her life, has not ever admitted he abused me and he still pastors a church congregation. It would be different if he came forward with the truth (to end this madness between my mother and I) and asked for forgiveness.

By the end of the conversation, my mother basically made the point that if it was not for the pastor, our family would not have had money for several different things. I guess at this point, my mother expected me to stop talking to my father and accept the pastor back into my life as a sane man.

Is money more important that supporting your children? Where is the love?

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